I once sessioned with someone who required that I tell him REAL stories of my sexual exploits in session. He wanted it to be as nasty as possible. It's one thing when it's fantasy which I love doing! But REAL stories was his requirement.

I understood what he was doing. I'd seen him before and he was someone who was so ashamed of his own needs that in session he'd freak out if the curtain was a tiny bit ajar. I had to whisper otherwise he would freak out and stop the scene. I always picked up pent up anger, resentment, anxiety, repression and SHAME when around him. Every session he wanted to grab my breasts and I spat in his face, to his surprise.

So during session I didn't tell him a single true story. He wanted it to be REAL because he wanted to feel superior to me even in session while I was humiliating him. He was THAT insecure of a person that he needed the domme to degrade herself so that he would feel less ashamed. If she's a slut/object, he's still the one in power. And beyond that, he felt he was entitled to super private information because he was paying for my time. No.

So after our session he continued to pry into what I did for a living outside of what he referred to (and I paraphrase as I don't want to misquote) "side job to pay the bills" (again, he was trying to reduce me so he could feel superior) because of course, this wasn't a legitimate profession right? Just a side hustle to make ends meet? Is it just the basic assumption that any woman who does this is a drug addled lost girl who never went to college (nor a prestigious private school for 7 years, nor holds an MA) with no self respect who fucks around all the time just because I don't know better? When subs try to minimize the seriousness of the work, the work itself, the ART and MASTERY, the time and energy I contribute into what I do because of their own ignorance and pre-conceptions, it is appalling. Not to mention, I still don't make as much as other girls in the sex industry- you don't choose to domme for the long haul unless you love it. 75% of the money I make goes right back into investing in expensive outfits, fetish gear (I don't balk on quality- I invest so you may have the best experience possible- cheap will always read cheap) books, classes. This is an investment not only fiscally but emotionally. I have to deal with marginalization/stigmas and assholes like him.

So I told him honestly what I was doing while I was rearranging my $500 lingerie set. I told him the truth, now that we were no longer in session (session time is reserved for fantasy!) I was working on a workshop for adoptees for a large activist organization, one in which I was asked to speak for two days about identity and my own experiences. I was to be their "role model" as requested by their parents who wanted their children to attend my workshop after speaking to me several times on the phone and reading my work. Alas, they did not know what "my side gig" was, because they weren't ready for it, but what they saw in me regardless of labels or preconceived notion was a young strong woman who was ready to take a stand and help others with their own struggles and bridge difficult cross cultural gaps. They trusted me with their own children who were in the fragile process of formulating their own identities. I was a speaker amongst licensed professionals- social workers and psychologists- it was controversial as it was.

He never tried to see me again, because when I left, it was him who was wallowing in shame. The shame he should've felt in session but wouldn't allow himself to feel and this time, it was real- this was in the vanilla world and I was someone with self-respect (not to mention, the bravery to commit to an alternate lifestyle, which he didn't have but needed) who was helping others and he was the one who tried to degrade a young woman who had these contributions under her belt. I turned the tables happily. As a consolation, I gave him some restaurant suggestions.

This type of disrespect is NEVER allowed with me again. And if it happens, trust I will turn the tables and pit you against you. This is when my natural understanding and my BA in psychology from NYU really shines. Let this be a warning- if you are a shithead and disrespect me, you deserve to have your own shit thrown back at you. I like to keep things fair, after all. 

However, if you are a respectful sub, trust I will do anything in my power to protect and cherish you. Ample aftercare will be provided and I will always, always have your best interest at heart. I want you to be more productive and more fulfilled in your day to day.

For those of you who don't understand that you can submit to someone you respect and there isn't such a thing as a madonna/whore dichotomy, you'll find that this type of submission is MORE. This submission is real and allows a deeper enjoyment. You better fucking respect me because I won't have it any other way. Even when unrelated to me, if you disrespect another human being for no reason beyond the fact that you feel entitled to it, I am very, very scared for you. There are ramifications.



** I tend to underrepresent the organizations I have been involved with (I try to hide my humility via this outlet because of what the persona requires- a space to play with arrogance, but this is my humility intercepting) the activist group is the largest organization for this cause with headquarters in DC and chapters across the country. I won't share the cause as they are VERY public, but I was asked to speak at their national convention.