For Fathers

I would like you to truly understand the impact you have on your children, especially your daughters. You are their first love, and you are the model of all that they're seeking in the world. You represent protection, nurture and love.

Even if you think you hide your vices, trust me, it imprints on your child. This is a young, vulnerable and fragile being you have in your care. And even if it's not noticed consciously, they will embed this behavior in their unconscious for life. If you are a liar, a manipulator, a controller, a withholder, they will sense this behavior and seek out this behavior. If you are unable to give love, they will seek people who do not give them love. Do you want your sons to model you? Do you want your daughters to seek versions of you? Do you want your daughters to accept the treatment that you showed to their mother(s)? This affects both sons and daughters, but it affects a daughter's self-esteem more. Were you so unavailable to her that she unconsciously seeks approval from the wrong men for the rest of her life? Consider all of this.

For example, I had a friend who for all of her life dated men who to her face were loving and doting, yet clearly, and very apparently, were cheating on her. Her father cheated on her mother, yet because it was hidden, my friend unconsciously overjustified and denied this behavior when it was happening in front of her face because it was what she was used to doing and it was what her mother was used to doing too. She unconsciously preferred to remain BLIND when it was happening in front of her face. The impulse was that strong.

So really, truly, understand. You can save your child from many compromising situations and a life of pain if you just work on yourselves and be the best that you can be. 

Many people will never consciously know the patterns at play, or the repetition compulsion that affects them for life. Don't let your behavior impact your child's ability to find and keep happiness. You don't know the pain that stays with a little girl forever. You'll never know how hard it is, but I do.